What you resist, you miss

by Victoria Jazwic, healing 3 student

My partner is passionate about the teachings at wildernessFusion and Tracker School. For many years, he invited me to take classes, and my first response was often, “No, that’s not my path.”  At first, I resisted attending wildernessFusion classes because I thought I was already doing similar healing work as a hypnotherapist, and I felt committed to that modality. Also, every time I heard the call, fear came up. This fear was a trickster.  It came in the guise of “you already know this,” and it convinced me I didn’t need anything new. Still, something kept calling me. Something in me knew that though the water was familiar, there were many deep areas unexplored.

The fear-trickster was with me on the first day of healing 1 and tried to convince me not to return!  But that night I had a dream that showed me that I needed to stay the course and get past the gatekeeper (fear) and perceived obstacles (Karl being one of them!) if I truly desired the next level of my healing and transformation that I was seeking. So I continued.

Being held by my teachers, my amazing quad, fellow students and my partner over the past two years has given me the support I needed to expand my comfort zone. I have seen more and more of what has prevented me from fully living my life, connecting with others, and expressing my purpose and gifts.

Most of what has been revealed (so far!) is connected to deep resistance based on my trying to feel safe.  I would create a false sense of safety by leading with, “I know.” But my comfort zone got way too comfortable, and I wasn’t growing.  There is a saying, “What you resist persists.”  Yes, there are persistent patterns I am becoming more aware of during my classes, but for me, rephrasing the saying to “what you resist, you miss” has opened up so much more.

By the end of healing 1, I could see how much I had missed by resisting opportunities along my journey.  I saw how I was not “claiming my space” in the world, in my life, in my career, in my relationship. In healing 2, I became aware of the huge deficit of masculine energy in my being and in my life. I was rejecting the masculine just as my experience with the masculine had rejected me. I missed out by not taking action on opportunities to promote my work, to fully express myself, to stand up for myself, and to more fully claim my relationship and embrace all the gifts and opportunities that came along with surrendering to love.

Evidence of the shifting that has occurred within me as a result of my work in wildernessFusion classes was a desire to attend my first Tracker School class, Philosophy 1. The first few days of that class, I cried and cried. I cried tears of joy for the commonalities of where my own journey intersected with what I was learning. I cried tears of regret and grief over resisting so long and missing out on sharing this journey with my partner, for time lost. I cried for how patient he has been with me as I continually pushed away what he wanted to share with me.  I cried for the shift inside me that allowed me to receive more deeply and not resist!  I cried for the ability to be guided by masculine energy, and I cried for the integration of the masculine within me. My tears cleansed me and watered the seeds of possibilities that lay dormant in the rich, but rocky soil of my inner landscape.  I have hobbled through life unable to create all my dreams, rejecting that which offered to support me and enrich my life. I truly wasn’t aware of the depth of my resistance—I just knew it was trying to protect me. What I didn't see was how out of balance this protection was: my inner protector not only shielded me from perceived threats but also prevented me from participating in what my soul longed for.

While I can see so much evidence of expansion and healing in my Philosophy 1 experience and in other areas of my life, there is also evidence of more clearing and reclaiming left to do. I am reworking my relationship with fear and resistance. They have been in control a long time and still want to lead. When they arise, I now practice accepting that they are a part of my life and then asking, “Are you surfacing to protect me, or are you preventing me from what I desire?”  

As I continue classes with wildernessFusion, I look forward to integrating more of me, more of my journey, and more that I need to thrive in my world with a more trusting, allowing spirit, using my fear only where it serves a purpose. I am excited to discover further deep waters yet unexplored, and reclaim the potential that lives in those places! 

Sarah Moon